no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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