We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
