I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
