"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize