I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
