Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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