If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Randomize
