how can u be prego again
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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