I puked a lego.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
