woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize