Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
