Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
