she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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