it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
