i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
