Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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