areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Randomize
