It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I have aggressive nipples.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
