You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
