I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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