ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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