I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
