i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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