i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
