Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize