no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
