Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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