I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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