when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
