So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
