I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
