i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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