I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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