When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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