the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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