I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
