fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
