they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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