Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
