i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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