Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
