I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
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