i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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