Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
