mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
