Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
