I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
