oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
