Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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