I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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