he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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