omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
