I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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