Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
