everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
