Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
