More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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