I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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