puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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