his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
