She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize