Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Randomize
