Where is the hickey?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Randomize
