Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
