You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
