i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
