bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
