i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
