she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
