Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
