when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
