Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You were trust falling into bushes
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
