I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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