I want to walk on stilts...naked
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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