His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
