I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
How's work?
Spinning.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
