She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
